I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
