did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
