Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
