aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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