I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
