i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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