I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
