They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
