her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
