So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
