well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
