Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
