jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
