i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
