My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
