I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
