She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
