The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
