i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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