Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
