i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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