Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
