Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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