4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
