grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
