the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
