puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
