A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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