Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
