I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He better not be in your backpack
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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