two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
