Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
