Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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