and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
