I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
