Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
