Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
