hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my sisters under your porch take her home
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize