Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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