just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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