My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My vagina just recognized that song.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
