The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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