haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
