I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
