At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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