Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
