You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
