ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've blown a few things in my day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
