i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
