I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
